Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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