Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
