At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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