Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
