Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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