I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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