Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
