my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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