So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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