I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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