If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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