You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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