I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize