I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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