i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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