You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
