there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
