you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
