getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
