i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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