So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
