You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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