People in love make me want to vomit
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
