Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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