Got a toothbrush?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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