So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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