how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
