Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't deserve a penis
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
