You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize