And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
