My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
