First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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