I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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