you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize