Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
