3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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