This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
