there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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