i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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