Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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