I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
