I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
