Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
