So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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