Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
