I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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