I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
