I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
