FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
