like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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