Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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