Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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