It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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