This girl is more easily done than said...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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