my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
