so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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