I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
