If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
