Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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