You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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