never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
