i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
