You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
