just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
