I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
