after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
