I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize